alternatedoom: (stryker lol so evil)
[personal profile] alternatedoom
Written anonymously for the Marvel Kink Meme here.

Prompt was: pre-Dark Reign: Norman Osborn deepthroating Joe Quesada so he'd be put in charge of Marvel Universe! :P

Rating: R
Genre: Humor, Crackfic

A/N: By the time I'm done, I'm going to owe everyone at Marvel an apology. If I don't already. Sorry Joe.




"Hello there, Joe."

Joe looked up and gaped.

"I'm your three o'clock," Norman Osborn said smoothly, sitting down in the chair across from him.

Joe found his voice. "WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Shh. Lower your voice, or someone's going to come in here. I don't have much time."

His first thought was that Fabian had drugged his food again trying to slip some gay shit past them into Cable & Deadpool. But then he remembered that Cable & Deadpool was over and Fabian had left for DC, that brilliant traitor.

Someone else must have drugged him. Joe racked his brains for his other canny, subversive writers.

Norman folded his hands in his lap. "Little attention here please? I'm here to discuss business."

Joe spluttered. "What kind of business could we possibly have to discuss?!"

"I want more power."

Joe stared at him. Most vivid hallucination ever.

"This Skrull invasion that's happening, this war we're about to fight." Norman had his undivided attention. "I want to be on the front lines, me and my Thunderbolts. I want to lead the battle and use this war to attain executive power. Not the Presidency--at least, not at first. Maybe later, I haven't decided." He paused to evaluate how Joe was taking it. "In the meantime I was thinking something along the lines of Fury's job, but more unilateral, and with Tony Stark's suit. Not that I would use that red and gold trash, we'll build a new one using an Oscorp design. Same idea, better execution. Since the Avengers utterly failed to protect the homeland, we'll oust Stark, Fury, Captain America, all those sloppy excuses for heroes, and--"

Joe interrupted helplessly. "But... you're a bad guy!"

An amused expression flashed across Norman's face. "Think bigger, Joe! This has so much potential. I used to be a bad guy. Now I'm--" he spread his hands-- "just me. The Goblin's gone. I'm better. I'm ready for more."

Joe looked at him in disbelief. "So basically, you want me to let the bad guys win." He couldn't keep the note of incredulousness out of his voice. "People are going to hate that!"

"Sure, some people will be upset, at first. But as I was saying, the American people are going to love it. You have to admit I talk a great game, and we'll form a new Avengers team--I'll be in charge of it, of course--and we'll publicly work as a force for good, protecting the country. We'll do lots of PR and tons of spin. We'll need a new name for the new agency, I'm thinking something a little tougher and more aggressive than S.H.I.E.L.D. Something that screams 'offense.'"

"It's the best defense," Joe said absently, mulling it over.

Osborn smiled. "I couldn't agree more, Joe."

Joe wasn't even thinking anymore about who'd drugged him. He was struggling to make sense of it all. No, perhaps readers wouldn't like the ending of Secret Invasion, but the dark new era of villains in power could be ground-breaking. And fun. Villains always had more fun. A teamful of psychotic, villainous Avengers while the real Avengers worked from behind the scenes... it'd be ultra-violent as the new bad Avengers started fighting amongst themselves, backstabbing each other. The opportunities for fanservice alone... hmm.

His hallucination had some wild yet strangely promising ideas.

Joe cocked his head, meeting Osborn's eyes again. For a moment, the warm, grandfatherly facade fell away and he felt he was looking at a psychopath, but he blinked and the sense was gone, he was just looking at the next big political figure on the scene. "Are you for real?"

Osborn nodded earnestly. "Oh, I'm real enough."

"How did you get here?" He knew very well that he was hallucinating but was interested in whatever explanation Osborn might offer.

"Von Doom got me here. Magic, inter-dimensional travel, I couldn't quite catch the mechanics," Osborn said regretfully.

Joe frowned. "Why would he help you?"

"The same reason you will." Norman came over to him and slipped down to his knees under the desk. Joe watched helplessly, stunned as Osborn quickly unzipped his pants and pulled out his cock.

"What are you doing?!"

"Making my business proposition, what does it look like?" Norman slurped Joe's soft cock into his mouth and sucked.

Once Joe got over his shock, he decided the man actually wasn't half bad. Joe fought not to make too much noise. He didn't think the door was shut all the way.

Villains masquerading as good guys. Lots of explosions. Villains who all slept around, now that was an appropriate place for homoeroticism, keep the fangirls happy. They could get Wolverine's son in on it, Way clearly wanted him up to be the slick, sleeps-with-anything-that-moves type...

Norman suckled his cock enthusiastically and with surprising skill while Joe thought about it.

Then came a knock at the door.

"Fuck!" he hissed. "Cut it out!" Joe said in a forceful whisper. Norman paused but didn't pull his mouth off his cock.

The door wasn't locked, in fact it was even open a crack, and a second later Tom pushed it open, looking worried. "You okay, boss?"

"Yes," Joe barked, trying not to let on that he was out of breath and trying not to gasp as Norman started teasing the tip of his cock with his tongue. "Shut the door on your way out."

Tom gave a subservient, scraping little bow and hastily closed the door just as Norman started sucking again. Joe heard the reassuring click of the doorknob as Norman cupped his balls. Thank god all his minions went in fear of him.

Without warning, Osborn deepthroated him, swallowing to make his muscles contract around Joe's cock. Joe realized with astonishment that he was already on edge. He wasn't seventeen anymore; things below the belt didn't go off as fast as they used to, but he'd had a mouth on his cock for three minutes and he was already close to the brink. Osborn was really great at this. That or Joe had kinky sexual depths he'd never even realized.

He moaned and began to thrust, figuring if Norman could deepthroat like that, he could take it.

Norman took it. Joe wondered how he was managing to breathe, but he didn't have time to wonder long.

"Oh god... GOD! FUCK!"

Norman swallowed rhythmically, sucking and gently stroking with his fingers until he was sure Joe was finished. Then he got up, licking his lips, and went back to the leather chair, brushing off the knees of his expensive suit trousers.

Joe zipped up his pants, still taken aback by all this, but thoughtful now. "I can't make any guarantees about how long you'd stay in power," he warned.

Norman smiled, like he already knew he'd won. "I'm confident that with the team I'm going to put together, we're going to be able to handle any and all challenges thrown our way."

Joe folded his hands on the desk, bit his lip, and considered. "So... who did you want on this team?"

* * *

Joe had to find out who drugged him, and with what. The trip wasn't half bad, what with the vivid blowjob hallucination and all the new ideas. Truth be told, he wanted another hit.

"Nicole."

The petite editor looked up nervously from behind her desk. "Yes sir?"

"Who's been trying to slip homoeroticism under the radar lately?"

* * *

After Quesada went away, Nicole sighed in relief, pretty sure she'd gotten away with sneaking the Viagra into his lunch. Unconsciously she pressed her legs together, sighing at the pleasurable soreness between them. Osborn had spent a good half an hour under her desk earlier convincing her. "He's in his forties. Maybe he'll need it and maybe he won't, but I'm not the kind of man who takes chances, Nicole. You'll see that when I'm in charge." Norman had punctuated the sentence by seductively pushing her panties aside, and whatever might be said about his methods, mental health and moral alignment, Norman Osborn knew how to eat pussy.
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